


I Can Breathe Again

by alligatorfuckhouse92



Series: I Need Love [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Everybody Lives, Everyone Is Alive, F/F, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Girls Kissing, Lesbian Maria Hill, Lesbian Natasha Romanov, Maria Hill Feels, Married Couple, Naked Cuddling, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha and Maria deserve better, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 16:54:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21274541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alligatorfuckhouse92/pseuds/alligatorfuckhouse92
Summary: She still remembers a scary world, where balance is fragile.Natasha must make her choice, fight her fears, let them go, breathe again and enjoy a new life or drown in a sea of tears.Or Natasha finds herself in a safe place to cry in Maria's arms.And Maria offers comfort and a new purpose to fight.





	I Can Breathe Again

**Author's Note:**

> Re-edited... sorry.

It took only a few seconds to remember where she was.

Natasha woke up with the noise of snow falling heavily, the large snow bumps peeking out through the large glass windows, through the curtains. Visible by the faint firelight in the fireplace. Within hours it got dark, The temperature seemed to plummet, about 29 degrees and a heavy snowstorm began to fall.

  
Natasha stared at the ceiling for a moment in silence, letting her mind travel, while her fingers play with Maria's brown strands.

Tomorrow marks another year of the snap.

_Another year of the defeat of the Avengers._

_One more year._

_She knows she is being stupid about this._

_At the end of the day._

_They won._

_They brought back the fallen._

_Natasha recovered Maria._

But these days bring bitter memories.

She has had enough of the Avengers. Maria and she decided to get away from it all and spend about two weeks in their old apartment in Yekaterinburg. Enjoying a few days off in the company of herwife and the security of herhome, courtesy of a very insistent Nick Fury.

It seems that being the director of SHIELD, leader of the Avengers for the past 5 years, the founder of the "Unicorns" orphanages, dying and resurrecting, she would take a well-deserved rest.

Incredibly Natasha did not object.

  
And the best.

Nick Fury assigned Agent Hill. (Herbeautiful wife.) To keep her under surveillance.

Natasha loved the man.

  
She needed time with Maria.

After dealing with the disaster caused by Thanos. The world became a scary place. Where the balance was fragile.

The Avengers won and the world healed, orphaned children reunited with their parents.

She still remembers the sounds of the world, the millions of sounds and thousands of smiles.

No more the horrible silence.

Only the beautiful melody between tears and laughter when the broken families meet. Men and Women when reuniting with sons, daughters fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, lovers, friends.

Extensive meetings with Nick, Maria and the damn world security council. With Natasha doing a recount of the new procedures, rules, missions, investigations and more.

Rebuilding SHIELD with the support of Melinda, Maria and Coulson and bringing back the missing agents during the snap and then rejoining the ranks of the new SHIELD.

Visiting psychotherapists every week, recovering from the five years with all the terrible, traumatic events, (the loneliness, the soul stone, Vormir, the fall, the pain, death.) to recover her wife, friends and family.

Most importantly, Maria's fertility treatment by the expert hands of Helen Cho. And she always supporting Maria in the process.

  
It was not easy. The last years.

Just breathing was really hard.

Natasha could barely recognize herself, the redness of her eyes is all she saw in the mirror every new day. The long nights when she let her emotions out and her tears of regret escaped.

The pain was still there. In the deepest of her heart.

  
Natasha learned to live like this.  
Being empty, she had nothing left, only the deafening silence of the complex.  
She made a home alone in the cold walls and darkness is all that remains.  
She would keep praying, every day and night to whom hears her desperate prayers. Imploring, just a small opportunity to undo what Thanos did.

Natasha had to be strong. In moments like that, she is grateful to have a strong and stubborn mind.

She is made of marble, she never fails.M

  
Natasha refrains from making mistakes.

She tried so hard not to disappoint Maria, Laura, Lila, Cooper, Nathaniel, Wanda, Sam, Bucky, Peter.

  
Her new mission bring the fallen back.

Back home.

Unfortunately she is alone.

The defeat was not easy for any of boys.

All the Avengers surrendered and faced defeat in their own way. Clint and Thor prey to depression and pain for the loss of their respective families, Steve focusing his guilt on the support group, telling to others they should move on, overcome their pain and loss, when he continued his obsession towards a woman who met 80 years ago, Bruce locked in his laboratory and becoming a social media celebrity and finally Tony, living a quiet life with Pepper and Morgan away from pain and chaos.  
Natasha can't blame the man, she would have done the same. Perhaps settle with Maria, live under arrest, with a cat, a small child running wildly around her home, maybe two children.

A world where Natasha is not a dangerous fugitive, # 1 enemy and worldwide looking for, no more accords, no more Avengers, no more wars.

At least that was her plan.  
Then Thanos came and turned her life and hopes into ashes.

The only thing that prevented Natasha from giving up, just drowning her pain in hundreds of bottles of Vodka and becoming a total mess.

A little feeling.

A small word, with a great effect and meaning in her life.

_Faith._

_The faith of seeing her wife again._

_Her Maria ..._

_Her girl ..._

_Her soldier ..._

_The amazing woman who writes poetry._

_She plays the violin and the piano in the cold midnights._

_The beautiful, rough, proud woman who kicks ass when her hockey team loses. And it keeps an adorable little frown._   
_And she puts a big smile on Natasha’s face._   
_Her girl driving an old rusty car._

_The blue-eyed girl, who paints her nails black, while waiting for the extraction team in a safe house in the middle of nowhere._

_The same woman who fixed every broken piece of her soul._

  
_Maria never wanted to change her, she could love Natasha and the Black Widow alike._

  
  
_Maria gave Natasha more than she could have dreamed_.

  
_A family._

  
_A future._

  
_A Home_.

  
That is why Natasha kept trying every day, fighting against sad world.

But...

_This was really happening? It was ringing? Maybe Maria was a dream, just a shadow, just a memory ..._

  
_NO._

This was real, she was real.  
Maria was here, she is breathing, alive.

  
Breathing deeply Natasha decided just close her eyes and quickly forget the feeling of fear and anxiety that threatened to overwhelm her.

A warm body interrupted her thoughts. This was definitely not a dream. Maria was real.

Her familiar weight on her.

The big fluffy comforter felt heavy and the black sheets wrapped around their naked bodies. Natasha can feel Maria by her side in bed, her wife's head rested on her chest, her brown hair tickled her nose, the strands falling perfectly on her chest, Maria's naked and soft breasts are pressed against the skin on her side, an arm wrapped tightly around her waist, Maria's cold fingers resting on her ribs. Maria had hugged her all night.

  
Natasha snuggled against the brunette, moving her arm to hold Maria's back pressed against her body, and draw her strongly towards her.

  
Maria still asleep moved to her side, pulling her body tightly against Natasha's naked body, sighing happily, sliding one leg over her thighs.

Natasha kept moving her hand, up and down, feeling every detail under her fingers, buried her nose in the silky brown strands. She tightened her grip on her wife to get as close as possible to her. Maria groaned asleep when Natasha moved her hand and stroked her head, inhaling the soft scent of her hair, the delicious jasmine, her other hand moving up and down on the delicate skin, the fingertips memorizing every little detail, feeling the curve on her back each bone of her neck and the sensitive point under her hear.

Natasha needs to forget, and touching Maria is working.

The magical moment ended when an alarm was ringing. "Noooo," Maria groaned when Natasha waved her hand to stop the annoying noise from the phone. "

  
"I'm sorry babe." Natasha mutters in a soft voice.

Natasha saw a pair of blue eyes, clouded by sleep, Maria is smiling.

"Hey Gorgeous." Maria smiled, she was awake, touching her cheeks with cold palms.

"Hi, babe." Natasha smiled back. Her gaze capturing the small details on Maria's face. The sharp jaw, the delicate sweet and flexible pink lips. Blue eyes, the most beautiful in the universe. God, that incredible smile capable of melting her heart. Silky smooth hair but now looks funny, wild, her face sweet and gentle.

Natasha can't resist temptation and climbs above the brunette’s body. placing her body between Maria's legs. She always needs to make skin-to-skin contact, desperately seeking Maria's warmth.

  
_So warm and cozy._

  
Natasha shoving her face under Maria's neck, slowly breathing hot air over her skin. Maria shuddered when Natasha began to kissing gently the tense skin on her neck and collarbone, sucking the sensitive area under Maria's jaw. Small sighs escaped Maria's lips, offering her neck to Natasha's expert mouth to explore more. Enjoying the moment, Maria extended her hands to trace them over Natasha's strong back. Scraping her nails into hard muscles, pulling the delicious red hair.

Maria took Natasha's face in her hands, leaned down to kiss her swollen lips, plunged her fingers into red hair, taking control of the kiss. Maria kisses her slowly showing every emotion in the kiss, love, passion, understanding, comfort. 

Maria's lips tasted like honey, soft and sweet. Natasha let out a silent gasp, her body responding to every movement of Maria's lips, the sucking of her lower lip, the way Maria is licking her mouth, massaging her tongue, sliding against Natasha's teeth, doing everything that Maria knew that it drove Natasha crazy and took her breath away. Maria hugged her tightly, in a firm manner. Natasha cradled each thigh around her waist, squeezing, touching gently, began to run her fingers along Maria's thighs, lowering and touching the delicate calves, the brunette's cold feet, slowly rising and feeling the delicious skin of the ribs until you place her thumbs under Maria's breasts, tracing small circles in Maria's weak spot.

A million thoughts went through her mind. Natasha had never felt so satisfied and happy at the same time. The peace that I long for and pursued for five long years.she wished never got out of bed. Never leave behind the safety of her wife's arms.

_She feels safe in Maria's arms. The place Natasha runs to. She never wanted more than this._

  
With a great effort Maria broke the kiss, when they separated, Natasha's head was spinning, Maria just left a small kiss on the tip of her nose. Natasha opened her eyes to look at her. Her big beautiful pale bright eyes.

  
Just Maria, her wife, absolutely perfect. .

Maria rested her head on the pillow and cradled her face.

  
"Nat?" Maria knows something is wrong with Natasha. She can feel it.

"Ria."

"Hey, are you alright?" She asks with concern.

"Yes, I'm just thinking too much."  
  


  
“Nat, talk to me babe. Please let me help. "

“I'm afraid you go too far, I’m terrified of losing you and you become dust again . I fear not being strong and not finding a solution this time. ” Natasha knows, her fear is irrational, she worked her worst fears with therapy. But it's hard to avoid fear, when the damn anniversary is coming. The fucking reminder. Natasha hide her face in Maria's neck. She just need a few seconds to hide the tears and regain control of her emotions. Feel her heart tighten painfully.

Maria is her safe place to cry.

  
"Oh Natasha ... I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." Maria raised her face, looked at her, her face full of emotions. Her hands rested on Natasha's shoulders.

  
Natasha allowed herself to cry in Maria's chest her tears wetting her chest. Maria also cried with her, it was necessary to let the tension out.

  
“ Natasha Romanov, listen to me.  
You never left us Natasha, You made the decision to sacrifice your life. And your choice hurt. Everyone of us have a new opportunity to live. Tony, Steve, Thor, Clint, Bruce, Wanda, Pepper, Buck, Sam, Rhodey, Peter, Fury Laura and Clint, Lila, Coop, Nate and me. We have a second chance to live and love and it’s because of you. The universe owes it to you. ”Maria leaned down to kiss her forehead slightly. "So don't forget, everyone loves you Natasha, most importantly I love you."

  
"Remember, My promise on our wedding day." Natasha nods, her whole body catching fire in the heat that invades each nerve. when the most beautiful words fell from Maria's lips.

“You will never be alone again, you will never fall apart, you will never have a broken heart again. I'm here I love you. Let them say what they want. It doesn't matter what others think or what they believe. Just the truth matters, I love you, Natasha, my best friend, girlfriend and wife. ”In a slightly trembling voice. Maria slowly held Natasha's face, forcing her to go up and look at her eyes.

She swallowed, her mind, her body and soul were healed. "Maria ... Im Sorr."

  
"Shh,"she whispered. Maria leaned down and kissed her cheek softly, her thumb clean the tears.

.  
“Thank you…”

"Mmmmm ... There's more," Maria said, looking at the ceiling, pulling Natasha away, tucking the red strand behind her ear. "My turn, I wanted to wait a bit but ... We need to talk."

"What's wrong, Maria?" Natasha whispered, looking at her expectantly, but deep down she feels she will vomit her heart, if Maria does not speak soon.

"Okay I need you to breathe" .. Maria released her, putting her hands on her neck, "I'm pregnant. Nat, let's have a baby."

"Are you kidding me?" I mean, are you sure? ”She looked doubtful.

  
"Yes, I'm sure." Maria nodded "it's real. Nat," she took Natasha's hand in her hands and placed it on the bottom of her belly, "here."

  
"Oh!" The realization came. "Oh my God. Maria." Natasha gasped. "You mean a baby!" Natasha's eyes widened. Her hand remained on Maria, where her baby growing up

“I am really pregnant Natasha, our baby.” Natasha's trembling hand is warm to the touch, pressing gently against her belly.

  
"Masha, how advanced are you?"

"11 weeks. I kept the secret just to be sure." the warmth of Natasha's warm palm gave Maria a small flutter.

  
"My God! Thank you, babe." Natasha cradled her face spreading happy kisses all over Maria's face. "You're the best."

"I know, I know. “Maria laughed appreciating Natasha's moment of madness, kissing her again.

"It will be the cutest baby." Her smile widened when she saw Maria laugh.

" Oh yeah.."

"I think you have a baby boy."

  
"Oh, Nat, I know we are having a baby girl."

Maria and Natasha exchanged funny looks.

"How you know that. Maria?"

"Mother knows better, Nat." Maria laughed a little

"Tell you Nick or Phil.?"

"Not yet. Only you and Pepper, Sharon and Helen knows it for now, I'm going to call him soon, so don't tell him anything, I want to surprise him."

"I won't, I'll just tell Laura and Clint when I get home. This gonna blow Clint's mind... Ohh, I'm so excited Maria."

"Can we start getting things for the baby?" Natasha asks.

Maria Hill starts planning.

"We need a name?" 

"The most beautiful of all."

"The color of the room?"

"Maybe pink ... or blue?"

"Yellow."

" Absolutely perfect. Masha."

"A soft blanket."

"Baby clothes. "

“Don't forget, a rocking chair, babe. . ”

"A beautiful rocking chair." Maria agrees.

"A great baby shower?"

"I really wouldn't be surprised if Pepper and Tony are planning it right now, Nat."

"It’s true."

"Maybe a big teddy bear."

"Mmm ... I prefer a big unicorn with thousands of colors, all little childs and lesbians love unicorns, Maria."

"Sounds great, Nat.

Natasha laughs, so excited "Now, Shut Up and Kiss Me."

"Yes boss." Maria happily obeys.

"Nope, you're the boss, always."

.  
"I love you, Ria." "Natasha whispered as she reached out to touch her cheek.

  
"I love you too, Nat," Maria kissed her gently and slowly.

Natasha definitely never wanted to get out of this bed.

  
The snowstorm didn't yield. They spent minutes or hours in each other's arms, sharing kisses. After a moment, Natasha put one last kiss right between her breasts the exact place where Maria's heart was.

The redhead curled up against Maria's chest. Listening to the strong beat under her ear. After a few moments of comfortable silence, Natasha fell asleep.

“Thanks Nat.” Thanks to this brave woman, she understood the meaning of being a Mother. Maria fell asleep. A few minutes later.

End.


End file.
